Κυριακή, 31 Μαΐου 2009

Έλα να με βρεις.



Ο,τι και να πεις , ό,τι και να πω...


Δεν μου αρέσει να ταξιδεύω. Νιώθω πως πολλά χρόνια ταξίδευα πολύ και δεν έβγαζα ρίζες σε ένα μέρος,και τώρα που είμαι σε έναν τόπο που ακόμα αντιμετωπίζω σαν τουρίστας θέλω να μείνω λίγο στατικός. Σταθερός.


Ο,τι και να πεις , ό,τι και να πω...


Με έχει εκνευρίσει πολύ που σε δύο ώρες θα πάρω το τρένο και θα φύγω έστω και για λίγο΄. Ότι θα πάω σε μία πόλη με συναισθηματικό φόρτο δεν βοηθάει.Ήθελα να βάλω το βαρέθηκα απο Άσιμο αλλα κρατήθηκα - έβαλα Λεονάρδου 7 χρόνια πριν - κάποτε την άκοθσα να τραγουδά στο "Λιόγερμα" και την αγάπησα.Θα προσπαθήσω να σκέφτομαι Χατζή και "Ωραία Ελλάδα" .


Ο,τι και να πεις , ό,τι και να πω...

Σάββατο, 30 Μαΐου 2009

Φύτεψα στην πόρτα σου χορτάρι





να 'χεις ίσκιο και δροσιά
κι ήρθα πριν αλλάξει το φεγγάρι
να σου φέρω ζεστασιά.



Μια πολύ έντονη ανάμνηση των παιδικών μου χρόνων - όλοι μπροστά στην τηλεόραση να παρακολουθούμε την Μούσχουρη . Συναυλία που για κάποιον λόγω είχε τον χαρακτηρισμό "ακατάληλλο" στην εφημερίδα (ίσως γιατί το μπουζούκι έχει πιο πολλά στρας απο την Νανά στον ρουχισμό του). Φυσικά από τότε μου έμειναν κουσούρια - πως να πάει το παιδί όταν μεγαλώσει ,άμα ήξερε απ'έξω κι ανακατωτά την Ενδεκάτη εντολή ; Για όλα φταίει η Νανά.


μίλησέ μου μίλησέ μου
μόνο στ'όνειρό μου σε φιλώ.

Παρασκευή, 29 Μαΐου 2009

All over the world



And you know that it's beginning,
And you know that it's the end
When once again we are strangers
And the fog comes rolling in.

I think of you when .




I think of you when the days are divided
caught into pieces of time
I think of you when all that I want is
days to give into the night.



Είναι μερικά μικροπράγματα που σου φτιάχνουν την μέρα. Χαζομάρες ,αλλά σε κάνουν να χαμογελάς . Εγώ χαμογέλασα πολύ σήμερα.Και δεν το περίμενα.


The few nights that I see you
I know that I'm dreaming
I always did and I still do.
Walk throught your tunnel
But I am walking without you.
Please leave a light for me.

Πέμπτη, 28 Μαΐου 2009

Always being told I damage what I touch




While she's in lace and feathers
I'm the one in clumsy shoes



Πάντα μου άρεσε ο Lovecraft. Ήταν πρώτη φορά που διάβαζα κάποιον στο είδος του. Μου αρέσει ακόμα . Τυχαία ανακάλυψα πως τα έργα του είναι σε μεγάλο ποσοστό public domain - και καθόμουν κ διάβαζα σήμερα σκόρπιες ιστορίες. Η αγαπημένη μου σαν παιδί ήταν το "The Quest of Iranon" ( http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Quest_of_Iranon )


Can I ever be unfettered
Free as she is front of them all
Or must I stay and eat my own skin
Like the lion in the cage

Τετάρτη, 27 Μαΐου 2009

Και προχωρώ.




Τις νύχτες που κυκλοφορώ για θύματα
στα κέντρα μέσα δεν μπορώ· αινίγματα
με βάζουν σε διλήμματα
και προχωρώ.


Τις νύχτες που κυκλοφορώ χαράματα
στους δρόμους στήνουνε χορό φαντάσματα,
μου κλείνουν τα περάσματα
και προχωρώ.


Δεν είναι που βαριέμαι να γράψω. Είναι που το τραγούδι τα λέει καλύτερα από ότι θα μπορούσα εγώ.


Τι να μου συμβαίνει, τι
τόσα χρόνια που γυρίζω
κι η αγάπη είχε κρυφτεί
στο καπέλο μου το γκρίζο;
Μόνος τώρα δεν μπορώ
μες στη σκοτεινή πλευρά μου
ν' αγαπήσω και να βρω
τα παράξενα όνειρά μου.

Τις νύχτες που κυκλοφορώ καπνίζοντας
μόνος θα ψάξω να σε βρω, γνωρίζοντας
πως κάπου υπάρχει ορίζοντας
και προχωρώ.

It was your life ...




Oh, william, william it was really nothing
William, william




Στιγμή από το περσινό καλοκαίρι : Τσαντισμένος από ακυρωμένες διακοπές και από βλακίες και από δουλειά και από κούραση φτάνω στο χωριό. Πρωί σχεδόν ακόμα, δυνατός ήλιος ,ζέστη να σκάει ο τζίτζικας κανονικά , λίγος κόσμος , κ εγώ να καβαλάω το ποδήλατο , να ακολουθώ την παραθαλάσσια διαδρομή και να τραγουδάω το william it was really nothing. Συνέχεια. Άδειος , όχι πολυ δημοφιλής δρόμος - δεν ήταν εκεί τα beach bar με τα παιδιά. Πρέπει να έτρεχα κοντά στην ώρα πριν αρχίσω να ηρεμώ . Αλλά στο τέλος ήμουν καλά - και μάλλον όλη η περιοχή είχε μάθει τους στοίχους . Και ήμουν καλά ,δεν ήταν και τίποτα.


Oh, william, william it was really nothing
William, william

Τρίτη, 26 Μαΐου 2009

Woke up on a good day



And the world was wonderful
A midnight summer dream had me in its spell



Σήμερα άφησα μια δίαιτα κάποιον ημερών για μια βόλτα από τον Χατζή. Κάθησα στο τραπεζάκι ,πήρα το κουταλάκι και τσάκισα το μπούρμα κανταίφι με τις δύο μπάλες παγωτό ντουντουρμά και το σαν φιστικ μέσα. Για λίγο γύρισα στα χρόνια στην Θεσσαλονίκη που το έκανα αυτό τα πρωίνα - πολύ πρωί - πριν πάω στην σχολή.


And when we put a foot wrong do we learn
From all the pain
A midnight summer dream as he watched the rain



Και τότε στα αυτιά είχα ραδιόφωνο - να παίζει λόγω της ώρας ό,τι του καπνίσει .Τώρα είχα το mp3 με την αγαπημένη μου καταθλιπτική σουηδική ποπ. Θα ανέβω πάνω σε λίγες μέρες - για δουλεία θα είναι ,δεν θα είναι για διασκέδαση . Όταν ανεβαίνω πια μένω πάντα σε ξενοδοχείο και προσπαθώ να αποφύγω τα μέρη που αγαπούσα εκεί . Δεν τα καταφέρνω. Όλο γυρίζω ,κοιτάζω λίγο πίσω από την πλάτη μου.


Maybe I'll never find him
Maybe he's gone forever
Maybe I'll have to sit here
Watching the weather


Είναι και λίγο οι τελευταίες μέρες σαν mid-season σε σειρά τριών έτών - όλο περιμενεις να γίνει κάτι ,και πάλι μοιάζει σαν να μ ην συμβαίνει τίποτα ,απλά περνάει χρόνος.


And at midnight if you can't sleep
Then I can bend your ear
After midnight we'll sit up half the night
Or maybe more
And I'll begin to tell you what it is all for

Wake up on a good day
And the world feels wonderful
Midnight summer dream has me in its spell

Δευτέρα, 25 Μαΐου 2009

I want you to notice



I was scared at first cos when he spoke it wasn't very soft
he told me about the life long love of his heart
had a t-shirt on that said we're all gonna die alone
I still believe that's true oh i truly do



Αυτό ήταν το πρώτο τραγούδι απο Tiger Lou που άκουσα. Σαν πρώτη επαφή μου είχε φανεί ευχάριστα αδιάφορο,λίγο χαζοπόπ . Το άκουσα ξανά μετά από λίγο καιρό και το αγάπησα. Πλέον πάντα το κουβαλάω μέσα στο mp3 player μου. Και σε τυχαίες στιγμές το τραγουδάω - είτε φωναχτά είτε σαν μουσική στο κεφάλι μου για να μπλοκάρω τον θόρυβο γύρω μου.


I want you to notice
I want you to care
oh horatio
please don't go
please don't go


oh horatio





..repeat and fade out

Σάββατο, 23 Μαΐου 2009

Ever so lightly



Wander off accordingly
Leave not a single trace



Νομίζω πως κάποια στιγμή όλοι βλέπουν πως δεν υπάρχουν νικητές και νικημένοι σε έναν χωρισμό,μονο νικημένοι. Και το μόνο που θέλω είναι να του πιάσω το χέρι αυτή τη στιγμή και να του πω πως κάποια στιγμή θα βγεί από το σκοτεινό μέρος που έχει πάει και όλα θα είναι καλά ξανά.


Heavenly memories cut like a knife
Carving its way through the remains of us
Lately it seems everything that we touch
Gradually turns to the softest of dust



Και μακάρι να με πιστέψει αύτη τη φορά.


We have revalued the worst parts in us
We have betrayed the delusion of trust
Lately it seems everything that we touch
Gradually turns into piles of dust
Sweet soft dust

History repeats itself.

video
History repeats itself
Coiling down into the future
When it's one second to twelve
The hands touch and follow deeper



Στην Θεσσαλονίκη μου άρεζε να πηγαίνω να τρώω έξω. Μου άρεσαν τόσα μέρη - από την "Ωραία Ελλάδα" κρυμμένη στα στενά μέχρι τα γνωστά εστιατόρια μέχρι την κρέπα απο το dream team της Ναυαρίνου (πιπερια , κοτόπουλο , καπνιστο τυρί και ρίγανη ) .Με παρέα η χωρίς ,πρωί μεσημέρι ή βράδυ.


History repeats itself
I didn't learn, I wouldn't listen
I couldn't see the books were on the shelf
For my good sense, I never missed 'em



Κάποια στιγμή άρχισα να δοκιμάζω εκτός από τα σχετικά κεντρικα μέρη και αυτά της γειτονιάς. Μικρές οικογενιακές ταβέρνες , μέρη που δούλευαν από τον κύριο κ την κυρία που κοίμησαν τα παιδιά ή τα πάρκαραν στην μάνα , και έβγαιναν για τα κοψίδια και για να ντυθεί η κυρία και να ξεσκάσει. Ένιωθα πως τα μέρη αυτά - τις κλασσικές ταβέρνες - τις είχε παγώσει κέαποιος στον χρόνο ,δεν θα ζητούσες εκεί Cola light,και κανονική που είχαν ήταν τεράστιο βήμα .


Wish I was standing by the shore
Feel the wind blow in my face
See the waves roll in for an encore
They take a bow, they know their place



Λάτρευα την ταβέρνα του κυρίου Βασίλη. Μωσαϊκό κάτω,μερίδες στις οποίες το gourmet΄πιάτο θα μπορούσε να είναι δορυφόρος ,ρετσίνα με σεβεν απ στα διπλανά τραπέζια ,λαχανίδες και υπέροχος βουτυράτος σπιτικός χαλβάς - να φάω επίδη είμαι "λεπτούλης". Το λάτρευα εκείνο το μέρος.Ηταν το μέρος που τα gym freaks με τις λιπομετρήσεις και τα ποτήρια γεμάτα σκόνη "γεύση βανίλια" έλιωναν σε άμορφες μάζες στο πάτωμα - και ακόμα καλύτερα αυτο δεν ήταν αυτοσκοπος.Ήταν μια οικογενιακη ταβερνα. Ήταν τέτοια η αντίθεση με το σήμερα, και ειδικά το δικό μου τότε κόσμο. Αν ήθελα να καταλάβω πόσο μπορούσα να επικοινωνήσω με έναν ανθρωπο τον πήγαινα εκεί. Αν ερωτευόταν το μέρος μπορούσα και εγώ να τον ερωτευτώ. Λίγο πριν φύγω απο πάνω ο κυρ Βασίλης που καθόταν και μου έλεγε για το διαζύγιο του γιού του το πούλησε και πήρε σύνταξη. Δεν μου κάνει καρδιά να περάσω απο την Ιταλίας ακόμα και όταν ανεβαίνω πια.


I do not want, I do not feel
I've turned away in myself
I can't find anything that's real
But history repeats itself

Παρασκευή, 22 Μαΐου 2009

Everybody's gotta learn sometime




Change your heart
Look around you
Change your heart
It will astound you
I need your lovin'
Like the sunshine



Εγώ και το gmail μου αναπτύξαμε σχέσεις τους τελεύταιους μήνες.Κάποτε με συνεχείς κρούσεις κ ανανεώσεις .Κάποτε με αναγκαστική απομάκρυνση - μην σπάσει το κουμπί του mouse από το πολύ refresh . Τα γράμματα που έστελνα από εκει,τα γράμματα που περίμενα . Και αύτα που δεν έλαβα κ αυτα που έλαβα , και τα που ΄ξέρω πως γράφτηκαν και δεν στάλθηκαν αλλά είναι σαν να τα διάβασα. Πλέον μπορώ να πω πως αγαπάω το gmail μου,ειδικά σήμερα που με περίμενε ένα φιλί εκεί.


I need your lovin'
Like the sunshine

Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime

Walk Unafraid.



Say 'keep within the boundaries if you want to play.'
Say 'contradiction only makes it harder.'
How can I be, what I want to be?
When all I want to do is strip away
These stilled constraints
And crush this charade
Shred this sad masquerade
I don't need no persuading
I'll trip, fall, pick myself up and



Ίσως αυτό που αγαπάω σε κάθε έξοδο είνα ο δρόμος της επιστροφής . Να γυρίζω σπίτι ,με την χαρά που πέρασα όμορφα ή με την χαρά που γλίτωσα. Σχεδόν πάντα με τα ακουστικά στα αυτιά , κ παντα τραγουδώντας. And though I walk home alone
I might walk home alone ...But my faith in love is still devout .


Walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
hold me love me or leave me high.

Πέμπτη, 21 Μαΐου 2009

Κάθε Βράδυ




Και εγώ πέφτω απ'τα σπίτια και ούτε μια γρατζουνία..


Η φωτογραφία είναι από το καλοκαίρι του 04,το τελευταίο πραγματικά ξέγνοιαστο καλοκαίρι που θυμάμαι. Την΄μέρα πριν φύγω καθόμουν στην ξαπλώστρα μου - όπου περνούσα κανα δεκάωρο την μέρα διαβάζοντας, ακούγοντας μουσική και πέφτοντας στην θάλασσα - και έβγαζα φωτογραφίες με το κινητό για να κρατήσω ό,τι βλέπω.,να το "σώσω".


Νοικιασέ μου γουέστερν ,πάρε μου παγωτό, παίξε τον τελικό λίβερπουλ και μαντσέστερ.


Μόλις καλοκαίριαζε η μάνα μου έκλεινε το γιατρείο πιο νωρίς και με κάναμε βόλτα στην πλατεία με τις νερατζιές . Θα σταματούσαμε στο περίπτερο να μπω στο μηχάνιμα με τα εικοσάρικα και να πάρω παγωτό ,με το παιχνιδάκι απο πάνω , το οποίο θα έπρεπε να φάω μέχρι να πάμε σπίτι , να μην ζηλέψει η αδελφή μου .


Μα κανείς την Κική μου δεν ξέρει.


Φέτος το καλοκαίρι έφτασε χωρίς να το πάρω χαμπάρι. Χωρίς να κάθομαι στην δουλεία και να κάνω σχέδια για διακοπές , χώρις να βιάζομαι να ΄κρυφτώ στην θάλασσα της φωτογραφίας. Απλά χτες έφαγα λίγα κεράσια και λίγο πεπόνι. Και ξαφνικά ήταν καλοκαίρι.


Η ζωή μόνο έτσι είναι ωραία.

Τετάρτη, 20 Μαΐου 2009

It is time for a new dawning

Sitting around every day amounts to nothing
And doing this for another ten years
That's one of my worst fears



Άσκηση χαράς : Σήμερα θα χαμογελάω σαν ηλίθιος όλη μέρα.
Άσκηση ηρεμίας : Σήμερα θα περάσω το απόγευμα καιι το βράδυ με φίλους .


So turn off your phone and bring some sheets
This is a place where young lovers meet
This is all, all we need
Give us some food and some bullshit T.V.
We'll bunker up for days and days
Call in sick, we're never leaving this place



Άσκηση θάρρους (αριθμ.320 ) : Σήμερα θα πω στον πρώην μου πως ακόμα έχω όνειρα για το μέλλον που αύτος είναι δίπλα μου.


So come inside my room tonight
I'll let you win, I won't even put up a fight
We'll have a marathon of your choice
Anything you want
Movies, TV, magazines
Music, sex or something in-between

Τρίτη, 19 Μαΐου 2009

Sinnerman

o sinnerman where will you run to
sinnerman where will you run to
sinnerman where will you run to
all on that day


Σήμερα με έχουν πιάσει τάσεις φυγής . Είναι λίγο που ο καιρός ξάνοιξε , είναι που έχει ζέστη ,είναι που έμαθα και έναν (ακόμα) θάνατο σήμερα ,με χρονοκαθυστέρηση . Πέθανε πριν τρεις μήνες η κυρία που μας πρόσεχε όταν η μάνα μου δούλευε και φοβόταν να είναι τα παιδιά μόνα στο σπίτι .


see sinnerman
mountains are falling
sinnerman
the sea it rages
sinnerman
the grave will not hold you
all on that day
run to the lord
lord please hide me
run to the lord



Δεν νομίζω πως έχει σημασία το πού διαφεύγω , αλλά από το τι θέλω να ξεφύγω. Και ακόμα πιο σημαντικό ίσως είναι ότι δεν πρέπει να φύγω , αλλά να κάτσω να δω πως μπορώ να είμαι καλά εδώ που είμαι.


the mountain wont hide you
the sea wont have you
and the grave will not hold you
all on that day

Cracks in the Canvas

How do we cope
With the days after a death?
Empty days, nothing left
Not even a funeral


Για κάποιους ο χωρισμός είναι κάτι εύκολο. Και για κάποιες σχέσεις ο χωρισμός είναι απλός . Και η πορεία μετα και αυτή απλή - reduce - reuse - recycle, break up - break down - screw around.


I'm looking for an answer,
Me and a million others
Disbelievers
Deserted lovers
Dear God,
You better not let me down this time



Σε αυτό τον χωρισμό δυσκολεύομαι . Δεν ένιωσα ποτέ την σχέση να σαπίζει , ούτε καν να ωριμάζει . Δεν έπεσε ποτε ο άλλος απο τον θρόνο του. Και δεν έχει αλλάξει το τι νιώθω.


Cracks in the canvas
Look like roads
That never end

Δευτέρα, 18 Μαΐου 2009

The Puzzle

I walked into love
I walked into a minefield
I never heard of



I think love is one of the most harzadrous minefields. you could ever enter. You could spend days - months - avoiding a half buried mine only to trip on it and detonate it in the end.


Her remains were spread out like the pieces of a puzzle
it took her 365 days putting them together
the pieces were quite difficult to distinguish from eachother
they were tiny and the clear blue sky
went on forever



For example today I went out for a coffee with a new friend - one that knew about my break up (and my ex and the blog) .And I could have spent hours talking about what happened. It would be so easy. So I tried to talk about anything but it .


Clearly the corners were an easy start
that was when everyone was still
helping me out
when it was time to fill in the frames
they left – they thought I ought
to have gotten over you
by then



And on the way home I felt proud for managing to avoid talking. And then I realized the effort it took me to do that. And I called my ex to speak with him.He didn't answer ,but later called and we talked a bit. I think I am just moving the pieces of our puzzle around . I am still in love.


I wouldn´t do that to you
I wouldn´t do that to you




Ps : I posted some files at zshare - the first 20 songs. http://www.zshare.net/download/601564861f0ca5d2/

Κυριακή, 17 Μαΐου 2009

It's just the wasted years so close behind.

Sunday morning and Im falling
Ive got a feeling I dont want to know
Early dawning, sunday morning
Its all the streets you crossed, not so long ago


I love waking up early on sundays. Most often I do not - it's the only day I can sleep as late as I want and usually it's the day where my lack of slep during the week catches up with me - but when I do manage to wake up it's paradise . I had a proper breakfast - cornflakes ,milk , roasted eggs, fruits and juice. I bought newspappers, played a bit of wow , retruned my kitchen to order and now I am studying a bit in my room with music .


Watch out, the worlds behind you
Theres always someone around you who will call
Its nothing at all



It 's weird that such a soft and sweet song was written for drugs induced paranoia. But I think I find it fitting today. Well, it's a wonderful life - if you can find it.


Sunday morning.

Σάββατο, 16 Μαΐου 2009

Είναι και δύσκολη η ζωή ...

Και έτσι φτιάχνουμε έναν τοίχο ,εγώ από εδώ και εσύ από κει..


A cliche that is bugging me at the moment : How can someone who doesn't love himself ever love someone else? I feel like I am seeing someone throwing himself on a wall of his own creation - blood on his face and tears in his eyes. And the door is right next to him ,he can open it any time . But he continues to throw himself at the perfectly solid brick wall. And because he is beautiful and wonderful and in pain I cannot stop myself from watching and when I point at the door he doesn't see me.


...μπερδεύομαι στην λογική σου, τραυλίζω ,γίνομαι παιδί ...

Παρασκευή, 15 Μαΐου 2009

Emily Kane

There's so much about you I miss
The clumsy way we used to kiss
I wish I convinced you, you've made a mistake
If memory serves, we're still on a break



I'm not sure which is worse - the thought that I might get over him or the thought that I won't . And it makes it even more weird that I know that he is reading this,and he doesn't know that answer as well.


The torch that I hold, is always a-flame
I'm still in love with Emily Kane
I hope this song finds you fame
I want schoolkids on buses singing your name

Behind closed doors.

For me it is red or nothing
Hey-ho my lover will go
And this will ruin everything
Hey-ho my lover will go
I´m just too romantic



I think everyone has a eurovision story buried in his memory . I don't quite care for it - the music I like should make you wanna reach for something sharp - but growing up in a place that seems obsessed with it I could never avoid it .



Twelve days and many long days have passed
Since I let go of my heart way too fast
Too many long summer nights
I´ve been checking for errors on the telephone lines



My story is about a blind date actually . I think it was my first date after my huge break up - it was about one year or so from now - maybe more. It was all so diffucult and awkward for me - trying to find bits and pieces to talk about while waiting for the time to dissapear.


In my mind I`m crawling on your floor
Vomiting and defeated
Total absence of grace
Your reluctant voice
saying; you decide your own fate



One of those questions that helped pass the time was - well what he does for a living. The answer I heard was forensics which actually amazed me - I found that to be both rare and interesting . I spent about an hour trying to get more details about it,without being too indiscreet . Well , a bit later he started asking me what I thought about eurovision and the costumes - and at which point I realised that I had misheard forensics when he actually he was a costume designer (endimatologos and eglimatologos do sound a bit alike in greek ) . I went home feeling the most stupid person in this world. So this is my eurovision story. The best part about it I think that it's not a story about my ex ,or about how miserable I am .


And then when you are not in my dreams
and not in my mind
but we are at the same place
at the same time
rubber no longer holds
the borders of my soul

Πέμπτη, 14 Μαΐου 2009

Splinters

Self sent a twister
a tearin' after me
gonna bust my house to splinters yes
an' take all that's dear to me


My old home . Well, I haad an average childhood - I was a happy child ,but not in happy suroundings. I did read tons of books and I played a lot. I was never particuallary carefree . And I never liked that house, never really connected with it. But somewhat seeing my comic book collection on the ground badly torn makes me angry.


an' yes i fell upon that rock
i did not die jus' badly broken
an' in time my healin' came yeah
by the words that he had spoken

The Weeping Song

Go son, go down to the water
And see the women weeping there
Then go up into the mountains
The men, they are weeping too



Ok ,let's recap the year. So far,5 months into this year I remember stress , many hospitals - two full months of the year and even I got sick, illness, deaths , conditions that are not that great at work , And then a break up that took lots of time and energy.


This is a weeping song
A song in which to weep
While all the men and women sleep
This is a weeping song
But I won't be weeping long



And now I get a call that the home where I grew up was half destroyed by robbers . That all my childhood books,relics, toys ,that all the things I had stored there were opened up,destroyed to pieces and I get those news from my crying mother while I am stuck at work .


O father tell me, are you weeping?
Your face seems wet to touch
O then I'm so sorry, father
I never thought I hurt you so much


It's not that I am not the nagging kind, it's not as if I am not happy that I am still alive ,and that I have a place to call a home . I just wish I had one good happy day pls. Some moments of pure joy , If I may . I am not an optimist, I do expect the worst in life, and I am getting pilled up in the small things that drag me down . I don't want something big or something extravagant. I don't need to win a lottery . But I need 15 days ,15 consequetive days without any small tragedy , with good health to me and all my family ,without some stupid ex playing with my head - if you ever read this and if you love don't send me msgs in bottles come here and tell me you love me yourself - without any work related stress ,without any small or grand event. I am tired. I am really tired.


This is a weeping song
A song in which to weep
While we rock ourselves to sleep
This is a weeping song
But I won't be weeping long
But I won't be weeping long
But I won't be weeping long
But I won't be weeping long

A French Love

Mind made up, I`d given all for you
C`est la folie d`amour
By now my mind is clear
You planted all the fear
Doubts and despair and
You keep my heart on the run
I`m bound to fall in love with the one



The campsite rule : leave everything in at least as good condition as you found it. Applies to relationships even more than in campsites.


Qui ne m`aime pas
Qui ne laisse rien pour moi
Qui ne m`aime pas
Qui n`a pas besoin de moi



My mood took a turn for the worse. It's the phonecall - one of those phonecalls with your ex where at the start you try to be civil,but as soon as the formalities end it takes superhuman streght not to be bitter about something - in my case even if I managed to be very gentle in the end now I couldn't hide my dissapointment over his actions after the break up.


Soon confusion grew
I sadly smiled for two
When his head went down
He wore my heart like a crown
And ever since I fall for the one



Then the messages. There are always those messages ,140 characters of bitterness exchanged. I tried to be civil (he wasn't ) - but maybe I was more petty in pointing out his name calling. Which is worse? Calling someone wanker or calling someone out on calling you wanker and acting as if you are "hollier than thou "? I am so dissapointed - mainly at myself for being right about a couple of things.


I hope that the comming daylight and the warm weather will help me get over the dramaz and smile a bit.


Qui ne m`aime pas
Qui ne m`aime pas
Qui ne m`aime pas
Qui ne laisse rien pour moi

Never Again

Never again....

I don't want to ever again be hurt . I don't want to ever hurt anyone. I know that this is impossible. I do not want to be alone,and people hurt you. And maybe you hurt them as well,even if by simply admitting that you are hurt. It's like a stupid infinte loop ,and I cannot escape from it. And each time,when I walk my streets ,listening to my songs ,trying to hold on to the things I love , I say never again.And each time it's a lie.

Τι τα θες..

Όταν δεν μπορείς να πεις αυτό που θες
και τα λόγια σου ζαλίζουν το κεφάλι
Τι τα θες τα παραμύθια, τι τα θες;
Με τα ψέματα δεν παίζουν οι μεγάλοι
κι εσύ παιδί, μικρό παιδί, κι αν θες
δεν είσαι πάλι


This one is a mixed post - greek song, english post .It's about a mixed up situation as well . I like lies. I like illusions that make reality more bearable . The pink cloud of lies around the eyes is what prevent us from suicide . But.

Όταν δεν μπορείς να πεις αυτό που θες
τράβα γρήγορα και βρες τον εαυτό σου
μιας και σήμερα και αύριο και χθες
θα τον έχεις αγαπούλα μου εχθρό σου
κι εσύ παιδί, μικρό παιδί, για βρες
το φυλαχτό σου



But I like the truth as well. I like in the end the truth. Love is based on illusion and lies- even telling oneself that someone is "the one" is a lie . But when things end I like truth. Not my truth nor your truth - but an uncomfortable admission of what happened. Lying with the corpse of a relationship in the same room ,lies when truth is soooo easy , and so simple..It simply hurts. And I think it hurts you more than it hurts me.


Όταν δεν μπορείς να πεις αυτό που θες
και τα λόγια σου ζαλίζουν το κεφάλι
Τι τα θες τα παραμύθια, τι τα θες;
Με τα ψέματα δεν παίζουν οι μεγάλοι

Τετάρτη, 13 Μαΐου 2009

No I Don't Remember

When things really mattered
And we really cared
Simply being was easy
Just having you there



So - isomnia aside every day is better. I feel somehow more comfortable with my blog - I even made my first public comment (most likely at the wrong place,but oh well ) . I am a bit worried about my choice to write in english - I feel a bit clumsy sometimes, but I will just have to work on that. I still miss my ex .I hope the bastard misses me too.


‘Cause I don’t remember
Love needles and the hay
The life I knew by heart and lived everyday
The secret codes and signs
You and I eye to eye
Wake me up, hurt me, you have to!
I forgot how to cry

2-Minute Date



It's funny how I try to fid wisdom in sitcoms . ""how I met your mother" is one of my most guilty pleasures - I watched it from season one till now faithfully and I suppose the posted video doesn't even sound funny to anyone who hasnt checked it yet. Still , last episode was kind of bitter sweet - and the main character - the one that is bitter and angry over his fiancee leaving him at the altar ,the one that constantly hopes to find "THE ONE" , gets some words of turth as reply to his waiting : "She's on her way -- and she's getting here as fast as she can,"


This applies to me as well. I am bitter over my break up, I keep thinking my one is either ín my past or that he will never be here ... But the truth is that my one is comming to me as fast as he can . I do not know if it is comming from my past ,but there is nothing I can do than welcome him with open arms when he comes and ask him " What took you so long? ".


Τρίτη, 12 Μαΐου 2009

Black Hearted Love

I think I saw you in the shadows
I move in closer beneath your windows
Who would suspect me of this rapture?

And who but my black hearted love
And who but my black hearted love


I think that it's quite funny that with all the problems in the world around me , my main concern is focused on myself . And on my past relationships. I mean it's all in the past now. Why do I keep going back ?


It's maybe cause I feel a bit empty - but now that the emptyness starts to settle it's not all bad. It's like a slight used canvas, with some white paste on it - ready to accept new images. And if anyone wants to get the old image back he should put some effort to that - myself I am quite happy being a white canvas.


I'd like to take you;
I'd like to take you to a place I know
My black hearted

Δευτέρα, 11 Μαΐου 2009

I Signed The Line

Don't send me letters in bottles anymore
And don't come a-knocking or darken my door
We've got a contract - devotion nevermore
We're legally bonded in richness and in poor



Today was a good day. Sunny ,warm. And the flowers in the gardens on the way to work were in full bloom. I don't think I could stay gloomy in that kind of weather for a long time. I also kind of enjoy my freedom of shorts - I was lonely,now I am just alone which is prefferable in my eyes. Today I can say that I am not certain I want to go back . Life seems less complicated right now - near the end I overthought things - trying to be perfect,and the effort made me tired.


And I got some good news - the health of my mother has taken for the better and morrissey will come to athens in the summer. I am not sure if my feeling better has anything to do with the new blog ,it might,so I will keep on writting.


I signed the line that was dotted
I like to end what I started
I signed the line and I realise
A lot of lies were written in letters
And bottles, they tend to run aground

Something Better


As they go by, don’t look with eagle’s eyes
Smile on your jailers until they grow weak.
Nothing can compare to something that’s almost there
To tear up the madness that all of us seek.



I suppose that today I am exploding with posts cause I have things left unsaid. I like to say whatever I feel as soon as possible. I don't think I had the time near the end .I remember reading somewhere that depression is anger that cannot be expressed in another way . I think I am angry ,some little details still make me boil. I could list my ex's faults one by one - but what I really hate right now is that his last words to me were that i deserve "something better". "Something better " is a red big buttom in every break up , with red arrows pointing at it and saying ""never to be pressed "" . I can forgive pretty much anything , but the something better line is for me kind of worse than learning my ex cheated on me with half a rugby team . Actually I would much rather hear he had fun with a whole team of rugby players ( they do look nice) than hearing these two words that are either a) a lie b)pure self loathing. Still a bit angry I suppose. Oh well.


Say, hey, have you heard, blue whiskey’s the rage,
I’ll send you a jug in the morning.
It is absurd to live in a cage,
You know there’s got to be something better.



Do You Love Me

I found her on a night of fire and noise
Wild bells rang in a wild sky
I knew from that moment on
I'll love her till the day that I died
And I kissed away a thousand tears
My lady of the Constant Sorrows
Some begged, some borowed, some stolen
Some kept safe for tomorrow


Some days after the break up, a though starts to blossom in your head that maybe you can get over it all and go on with the whole deal . At about the same time you realise that the same thing maybe in your ex's mind .


She was given to me to put things right
And I stacked all my accomplishments beside her
Still I seemed so obselete and small
I found God and all His devils inside her
In my bed she cast the blizzard out



Sometimes this makes for a stupid race to see who gets up on his feet first . I don't think this is what is happening to us now. To be honest I don't quite understand the now - I am not that complicated and I cannot quite get what's on his mind. With communication being that poor between us it's a small wonder we lasted that long. My gaming needs are covered world of warcraft - I don't play games with people.


All things move toward their end
I knew before I met her that I would lose her
I swear I made every effort to be good to her
I made every effort not to abuse her
Crazy bracelets on her wrists and her ankles
And the bells from the chapel go jingle-jangle
Do you love me? Do you love me?




Κυριακή, 10 Μαΐου 2009

Linger With Pleasure

I’ll rent a house somewhere
I’ll listen to Biosphere
and all I see there
a straight line in the atmosphere
every hour will be longer
and I’ll linger with pleasure


As I make these first posts I wonder who will eventually read what I write - if any . I suppose all people want to have some crowd in their personal drama - some,or maybe most dairies are only half hidden .


the only visitor I will invite
is the whispering wind or the sunlight
I’ll leave all disturbants at home
the evening papers and the telephone
but I’ll bring my memories
despite everything
I hope life will miss me



I know that I don't want my recently ex to discover this one now. Maybe later when it's grown - but I hope that by that time I ... I am not sure what to say - be over him ? Be back with him ? Most likely I'll give the link to it to a couple of friends as soon as I get comfortable with it.


maybe this is wishful thinking
and maybe I’ll just keep on sinking
but sometimes it’s enough to know



At which point I make this post in my old blog. I Like the sence of humor my life has - when I get too serious I step on the banana peel and make all things better. I suppose I will check my visitor count ,most likely nobody will discover this one (yet ) .And if they do,i can always be mature,delete this one ,and start all over. Or not.


that there is a place where everything is on hold
where the hours will be longer
and I’ll linger with pleasure

Every time we say goodbye

Everytime we say goodbye, I die a little,
Everytime we say goodbye, I wonder why a little,
Why the Gods above me, who must be in the know.
Think so little of me, they allow you to go.
When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to
minor,
Everytime we say goodbye.


I keep wanting to go back in the moment to say one more goodbye. I keep hearing songs I would love to play for you , I make little posts in my head about you ,my wonderful mr ex , and as soon as I get home I decide not to make them . It's not pride, I never was a proud man . It's I guess something like maturity , I know that we cannot be together the way you want to - I cannot move there you cannot move here. But I want to linger , I want to say goodbye all night long . I want to say thousands of goodbyes in your car,to open the door and then close it again for one more goodbye,one more kiss, till the sun rises and the first rays blind us. I know that if you checked this post by any chance all you would talk about would be how you hate lennox - and I know that you would say that cause you really hate not having a simple clear answer.


When you're near, there's such an air of spring about it,
I can hear a lark somewhere, begin to sing about it,
There's no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to
minor,
Everytime we say goodbye

Man laying down

I know a girl laying down
She's sleeping
Weeks at a time
And when she wakes up
She watches TV
Counting cracks in the ceiling


No, I don't know what she's thinking
So I give up, waiting for someone waiting
Talking to someone, staring



I had to find a name . My last one was ok I suppose . So I started looking for a song name to plagiarize - and girl laying down is one song I love. I am not too girly thought I suppose - too much body hair .


So much for girl staying
In afraid of
Beeing needed
And seen
she watches
The world on a screen
She's distant
And God knows I tried to leave her
But she's got a constant fever



I can be such a stupidly devoted fan boy . I love ane brun and anna ternheim quite a bit ,so one gets the profile name ,the other my name . I suppose I should get a tattoo of them to get their attention - or better not, I am not london preppy material .


I let it slip my mind
I never come around
I never come around
I left her fifteen years behind

I know a girl laying down
No, I never wasted my time
We have something in common
She's as different as I am

Humming One of Your Songs

I’m walking
I am walking along
And I am humming
I am humming
One of your songs



So we broke up . It was five bad months.He was the first person I tried to be with after my 4 years relationship (which by the end was like a bottle of coke left open for 4 years). I made a blog for him - in my mind not so different from the one I will make now for myself maybe. I lack imagination ,I cannot create something out of thin air so I will be myself again I suppose.


I just know one small verse in the middle of it
But it makes me wanna hear it
On and on and on and on
I just know one small verse in the middle of it
But it makes me wanna hear it
On and on and on and on



And I am nothing special myself - I am the average gay greek geek ( I think ggg stands for something more naughty but anyway ) . I will try to write this one in english - cause mainly I prefer english to greeklish. I am very lazy.


Everyday I hear your song now
Everyday
It won´t go away.
So I am humming
I am humming
One of your songs


So I plan to use this blog to whine , talk about how much I miss my ex , post depressive music - I know the best soundtrack for cutting your own veins - and maybe this will be a tool to get over him . Or at least examine what went wrong and what happens now. In the Kübler-Ross model I am all over the place I suppose. Denial , Anger, Bargaining ,Depression or Acceptance - depends on the time of the day .


So I am humming
I am humming
One of your songs